Been a long time since I last posted anything here.
If you're wondering why,

http://twisted-rhymes.livejournal.com/ :)

Jean Fang

Just a few minutes spent talking to this girl online just now made me realise how much I miss her, and how much I miss all the htht sessions which we've had back in Cedar. I feel so blessed to have someone like her who prolly knows me as much as a few others do; someone who listens attentively to my woes; someone whom I'd be willing to share my troubles with.

But then again, the very fact that we are now in colleges mean that there are certain things which I now find it hard to share. Things which only one or two of my close SA friends would understand. Recently, I feel so helpless looking at the current state. I wish I could tell someone, I wish someone would help get me out of this mess, or at least clear the pieces with me.

But I'm being held back.
By something stronger than I've ever imagined.

Don't be irreplaceable.

If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

EXCO results were finally out today.

Well, I didn't plan to blog about it. But decided against it because the whole issue is causing my thoughts to run wild again.

Everyone deserves a chance and the fact that I got it shld make me happy. but I really wonder if it's a good thing after all. It's an entirely new experience to me, I'd say? ODAC is so different from PSB and RC - I don't know if I can cope with the new demands from a sports cca.

It's not going to be easy for me, especially in view of my academic performance and my inclination to procrastinate. But, I guess I'll learn to cope with it. I just hope my obsessive perfectionism won't irritate the rest or cause problems.

Alright, I need to start on eom.

Can't live, can't breathe with no air.

I wonder why teachers love to throw us last-minute homework, especially in the midst of our well-deserved break after cts. Is it because they all know that we do not adhere to deadlines?Hmm. then that's abso-freaking-lutely retarded.

I'm quite surprised by the response for my group's pw survey. From my observation, most people gave their most sincere feedback about foreigners in SGP - both good and bad. some replies amused me, like "...I've tried ... greeting them etc but most of them ... look at me as if i'm a prostitute." hahah I thought those foreign workers are usually more than happy to see us look at them! Okay this requires more in-depth research.

On another note, we celebrated mt's birthday at her hse today! hahah it was meant to be a surprise visit but was considered a failed attempt? Nonetheless, it was a nice gathering. idk why, but sue was so easily amused today. And the birthday card was so interestingly drawn. Must compliment shifu for that. No sarcasm intended ah. (: Oh and we watched remember me by mt's favorite - robert patty. But there was a general consensus that the movie was rather ... weird? Abrupt ending coupled with an unexpected connection to 911 = huh??? hahah.

My mum is trying to learn how to text.
After a long long while, she finally managed to compose a  msg.

After 8 drafts and a costly mms.

sis: "why you go and attach the bear animation! need money eh."
mum: "i don't know. they ask me whether i want to attach so i just click okay lor."

Hahah, okay she's still fiddling with the other functions of the text msg now.

Last but not least, quote of the week:

"We had a confrontational scene where I sort of push him around a little bit. I thought I'd really scare him and grab him and it would freak him out. So I went to grab his shoulder, but he's so pumped up. It was too big to actually get a grip on. That was kind of embarrassing. I did tease him unmercifully about having to dress up in a little grey spandex wolf suit all the time and try and be intimidating while Kristen was patting him on the head."

-- Robert Pattinson on competing with Taylor Lautner in Twilight.

and news related to my pw project:

I feel sad for this guy here.

:/

Cereal Killers, look here if not I'll kill you.

alright,cts are finally over! yaye (: as much as i want to express my joy and happiness about it, i want to take out some time to thank the cereal killers for their support during this crazy period.

daphne law: LSM! there are just so many things which I want (and need) to thank you for, but i don't know where to start from. you're really one special friend whom I didn't expect to meet here, in SA. i love how we often think alike about certain issues - it honestly makes me feel so much better when i'm able to confide in someone, especially when i've many issues which i rather keep to myself. it's always a pleasurable experience confiding in you because not only do you listen (and not hear), you give good advice. "A problem shared is a problem halved" - this sentence is so well-said when I apply it to the two of us. i also like it when you play around with words and never fail to make me feel so good, appreciated, and blessed. you don't know how thankful I am for having a buddy like you - both a close confidante and a great company to be with.

mag: halo magda! do i sound like your cousin? teehee. firstly, i want to thank you for being my closest company right from the start of the year. i really feel so fortunate to have made the same decision as you to take this subject combination and end up in this awesome class of A03. thank-you for being such a funny friend and making me laugh at the most unexpected moments. haha not forgetting all our little tricks to make fun of our classmates like the 'adrenaline rush' joke and the 'tapping game'. others may find our tricks stupid or lame, but so what, so long as those tricks have us in fits of laughter all the time, ain't it?

nat ho: hey crazy woman with classic facial expressions and who likes to call me 'she bae bae' (and not my version of 'se bei bei'. you just have to make it sound so korean right.). you're honestly one awesome friend I've made in SA - i absolutely love to hang out with you because i can always be myself when i'm with you. this matters a lot to me, especially since it's rare for me to open up to a friend easily in this aspect. i love how you always tickle my fats, give me the she bae bae look, attempt to slack when we're supposed to study, and doing all kinds of actions which amuse me. those are the little things that make me truly enjoy every single moment spent with you. thank-you for giving me the reassurance that you won't give up your studies during the cts period and calling me to clear your doubts. it feels great to know that you're determined to do well.

pling: i can never stop laughing at the way you talk, pling! haha it's always hilarious when you talk and mix all the hokkien phrases in between your words. that aside, you've doubtlessly been a great friend as well primarily because of your natural ability to converse with others like as if you've known them for years - that makes it so easy to talk to you. i'll never forget the times when you sleep in lectures and rebutt the teachers. okay and lastly, same as nat, thank-you for giving me the reassurance that you won't give up your studies during the cts period and calling me to clear your doubts. it feels great to know that you're determined to do well!


WHEE~ i'm done. okay, i'm back to Karate Kid. Natho, stop disturbing me already. :D

In You I Trust.

SYF 2008 Red Cross @ Indoor Stadium

this link caught my eye when I was at my fb wall page. it's weird how it's always there but I rarely click on it.

anyway, re-watching the video made me realise just how much I miss marching to the beat with the squad. even though my footdrill wasn't the best of all, being part of the squad mattered the most above all.

just look at SYF '08. simple performances like that alone reflects so much about the amount of hard work which we put in together as a team, let alone competitions like FDC.

and you see, it's exactly these competitions which put our team spirit to test and make us so united. even though the process is tough, y'know your squad will be there to endure the pain with you and that's all it takes for us to emerge victoriously every single time. symbolic victories.

many people may have this misperception that red cross is a slack cca, or even a noob one. but in actual fact, it is not. (i'm not trying to be biased towards my cca.) just look at how much you can gain from being in a UG. military-style trngs aside, you get to pick up so many skills along the way and every day you attend training with the mindset of learning smth new.

i hate to say this - unlike red cross, odac doesn't give me that sense of satisfaction after each trng. there's hardly any teamwork required and that makes me miss that tremendous sense of camaraderie which I've experienced in the past four years or so.

every bang; every beat; every precise movement; every jerk; every hentak; every well-deserved water break; every ...

oh, and not forgetting every single silly action which our squad did just before we fall in. and how rach was always at a loss of what to do with her crazy squadmates. haha i'll never forget that helpless expression hung on her face at the start of every trng.

if only we were given a second try;

The thought of nothing after death scares me.

though I didn't speak much today, i really love seeing all the familiar faces of A03 once again. (:

and thank god, i survived econs and history today.
killer papers.

ok i need sleep.

A good time had by all.

i wasn't this strong.
i wasn't this optimistic.
i wasn't this encouraging.

in actual fact, i was weak.

but i suppose those self-help books benefited me after all. coming across a wide range of books for the past one year or so, i've learnt to take things easy and think far beyond. yes, i agree that it's all in the head. it's all about our mindset. it's all about how we perceive things.

although it's a very simple logic to understand, many still find it hard to apply what they've learnt in real life and extricate themselves from unplesant situations. others choose to revel in this 'newly-found freedom', not knowing that it's actually a form of escapism which only serves to diminish their confidence and shaken their faith in time to come.

it took me ages to tell myself this whenever i'm about to lose faith:
"i can do this.".

a really long time.

a phrase simple enough, but not all can say it out loud and execute it.
i wish you could.

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever."

the mood of deepening pessimism is reigning supreme in me once again.

no, it's not my personal problems this time round. it's the people around me, my friends. it really saddens me so much to see my friends losing hope in their studies, even my sister. you won't be able to imagine how hard it breaks my heart when i try to infuse them with my optimism but things just don't work out the way i wanted them to. i feel useless. i feel helpless. i feel like a rotten friend.

it's just like how a particular victory would only taste sweet when your friends complete the race with you and share your glory. it's not about me alone - i never wanted it that way. i don't want a victory that belongs to me only. what's the point? what's the point of getting a satisfactory grade in exchange for my friends' dejected faces at the end of the day?

i really want to make good of the promises which i've made to my friends, but i'm really afraid that i'll lose focus at a certain point in time and end up letting them down instead. sigh, who's getting close enough to understand how i feel.

i cannot believe that i'm this close to breaking down tonight.

i really hope all my friends can brace up and stay hopeful. especially my sister. if you happen to be reading this, know that i'll be here to help you if you need. there's really nothing that frightening about o'levels. please stop freaking out.

Knight and Day

cool movie with sister this afternoon. though the opportunity cost incurred from doing that is pretty high, I don't regret spending quality time with my loveee. when did I ever regret, anyway? (:

tom cruise is so charming in the movie to the extent that I feel cameron diaz cannot match up to him. ok who am I to judge. but omg, I really love all his stunts and his quirky sense of humour. you should catch it sometime soon. learn to chillax. in the meantime, I shall move on and look forward to Eclipse!!! yay excitement much.

I'm highly tempted to sink into that state of pessimism again - where I'll start thinking abt failing my cts, etc. but I shall not.

I cannot afford to, especially at this point in time.

go everyone! please don't shaken my faith by telling me that you're going to screw cts. tango yankee!